While I'm inclined to begin blogs in my head, I rarely capture them in electronic form. Which is a big miss for me, in my opinion. Life can get so scrambled that sometimes its good to take the time to document it somewhere you can regroup, relearn and relisten to how it went.
Today I was spending time just making some social connections. That's not super exciting, I know. People do it every day. But for me, it was a step back to normal. The part of me that has been closed off from the world without energy or sometimes without want to be 'connected'.
There's been a number of small and big things in recent time that have set me down, flat on my butt and told me to take a time out. I'm not good with being told what to do, nor was I ever good with discipline. It just seems something in the universe has a way of slowing your roll just when you think you've got that boulder almost up the hill.
For some that's loss of health, loss of income, loss of spouse and loss of something you love. I'm just realizing that the set backs tend to have something in common don't they? Loss. Maybe when we have all we need or want, we feel invincible and inclined to have more. Everyone nods their hat to the word GROW because it means we've stretched our limits and boundaries and created something visible and interesting. Growth within is intangible, but will usually manifest itself in one form or another where people will say "they've come a long way" or "my, how you've grown". However, LOSS, tends to be the thing that hits you square in the face, gives you the reality check of your unimportant existence and makes you hide from the world. It's not quite as pretty as growth, is it?
That's where I've been. In my small corner of the world, waiting to grow. But there's no growth to be had here. Only steps to be taken to move life forward. A small team of doctors have labeled me now, so I can be considered official in the realm of "you need help". I'm okay with that. I believe they're right. So, I'm going to find something to latch onto to move my gait a little wider and my distance a little further. This way someone will look at me and say "you've grown."
What I've lost cannot be recovered. I will never find it in it's physical form. I will only see in the sunshine, smiling faces and kind gestures of remembrance now. But the steps I'm about to take will be measured the same. In the sunshine, smiling faces and memories created for the future.
